If this title send you a message, this is surely because you felt your not sure about the living with your husband. Don’t worry, your not the only one, probably all the woman feel bad after this situation, it’s a big change in your life and you are just normal.
Fortunately, there is a solution in my opinion in order to recover a bad situation following an event difficult to surmount…
Firstly you must put water in your wine, the compromises form the key of the success of any relation which is respected. Then you have to inform you, read on the subject and if it is not enough, consult a professional. The better advice I can say to you is to get informed and please, take your time!
To finish, this article is there to make you become aware of a thing, take your time and leave you to it chance with you and your spouse to adapt to the changes.
You can also consult this site in order to obtain more information about divorce and lawyers and/or to obtain free resources.
I wish you a good success in your family life and I will really try to give you good information about divorce, divorce lawyers and solution to resolve matters!
Sabrina Tremblay
http://www.all-divorce-lawyers.com
Labor and childbirth was an amazing, positive experience for me, both times. I am very fortunate, I know. But I do believe that if you prepare yourself through education (reading books, reading websites like this one, taking prenatal classes, etc) and taking good care of yourself while you are pregnant, you will have a far greater chance of a pleasant birth experience.
There are many things you can do to increase your chances of an empowering childbirth experience. These are the things I did:
So many people seem to enjoy telling stories of excruciating pain during childbirth. Others will tell you their labor was 87 hours long! I do not know why women do this to each other. Yes, I will grant you, labor is painful. But it is also powerful and incredible what your body can achieve!
One important note: I am Canadian, and our medical system is much different than the United States. BUt I am aware that most visitors to my website are American, so that is why I often try to include American statistics and information. One major difference between our two countries is that midwives in most parts of Canada have hospital privleges, i.e. they are allowed to deliver babies in hospitals. They perform essentially the same procedures as doctors, except they do not perform surgery. Whereas doctors view childbirth in terms of what can go wrong, midwives see childbirth as a natural process and medical intervention is only necessary in the event of an emergency.
I had many questions before I gave birth the first time, and the following onformation is what I leaned about labor and child birth. I am not a doctor, and I have no medical training whatsoever, so please ask your own doctor for clarification or more information.
Am I going to be pregnant forever?
In terms of when the average woman gives birth, a woman’s due date is determined to be 40 weeks after her last menstrual period, which is about 280 days. Most women deliver very near their due date, but anywhere from 38 weeks to 42 weeks is normal. You know you are in labor when you have strong (generally more painful than period cramps) contractions, five minutes apart, which last for a full minute. The first stage of labor is the longest and that is when your cervix dilates from 0 to 10 centimetres and becomes thinned out (or “effaced”). The second stage of labor is the pushing stage, which begins after you are fully dilated. The third stage of labor is after your baby is born and you deliver the placenta.
I was worried that my water would break in the supermarket and I would be mortified. However, the bag of water, (the membrane that surrounds the fetus and protects it during your whole pregnancy), contains amniotic fluid and it only breaks at the beginning of labor (mine did) 10% of the time. It does not hurt. You may not even know it has happened, but you may feel warm water on your legs. You feel a tiny “Pop!” and then a little fluid trickles out. It’s not a huge gush - I think this is because the baby’s head is acting like a cork. Most commonly, about 90% of the time, your water breaks when your cervix is fully dilated. Sometimes your midwife or doctor may break it. When that happens, prostaglandins are released, and contractions become stronger and more regular, and the progress of labor speeds up.
Many women also wonder when they should go to the hospital. Your doctor or midwife will educate you about what they want you to do. Some may want you to phone the hospital as soon as anything happens. A midwife usually comes to your house, so you don’t have to plan so much as you would with a doctor. When you get to the hospital, you will need to register at the Maternity Department. Usually you can do this a few months prior - call the hospital where you will deliver and find out. Depending, again, on whether you have a doctor or midwife, a lot of different scenarios can take place. Also what kind of doctor you have: is he or she someone who believes that your body knows what to do? Or will he or she insist that you are given an IV and hooked up to a monitor constantly? You do NOT have to labor this way, but you need to decide before you choose a doctor what is important to you and how you want your experience to be. (A birth plan would be a good option. If you present your birth plan to your doctor and he or she laughs at you - reconsider using that doctor!)
How long does it take?
Every labor is so different, but generally speaking, first labors take about 12 to 24 hours. My first labor was about 10 hours but my midwife said that I was only in “active” labor for 5 hours, which I disagree with because the first 7 hours were not spent sitting around comfortably!
What about the pain? Is it really that bad?
I am not going to lie about it, it is painful, but your body is an amazing machine. I did not take anything for the pain during my labors, but I was very fortunate to have a wonderful doula and husband who supported me throughout. Studies have shown that continuous support during labor decreases the need for pain relief by 60%. See my article entitled “What would I do without my Doula?” here http://www.pregnancy-leads-to-new-babies.com/doula.html.
What’s wrong with having an epidural? Why go through the pain if you don’t have to?
This is simply my opinion - I am not a doctor, but I have done the research. For me, I was not trying to be a martyr. I just wanted my baby to have the very best chance of being healthy. Generally, it is true to say that epidurals are a safe and effective method of relieving pain in labor, but safe does not mean risk free. There are risks; I would be lying to say there are none. See Thorp, J.A. & Breedlove, G (1996) Epidural Analgesia in Labour: An evaluation of Risks and Benefits 23(2) 63-83.
In terms of risks for your baby, epidurals can cause maternal fever and this can potentially harm your baby. Newborns sometimes also exhibit poor nursing behavior for up to one month. Many newborns exposed to epidural anaesthesia in labor are very sleepy and they would rather sleep than nurse, which can be problematic because the more you nurse at the beginning, the faster your milk will come in and the better your experience will be. It’s shocking to me that most women take such exceptional care of their babies while they are pregnant, i.e. no alcohol, no Tylenol, etc., but they willingly expose their babies to drugs during childbirth without fully educating themselves of the risks.
Here’s something you want not want to know: Hospital-employed childbirth educators WANT you to have an epidural. Hospitals make a lot of money from epidurals. The nurse often comes into your room and says, “Are you ready for your epidural now?” In the U.S.A, an epidural costs from $500 to $2500, depending on the hospital. The United States spends more money on birth ($50 Billion a year!) than any other nation in the world, without necessarily getting the best results. The average hospital birth costs $8,000 - $10,000 and that doubles for caesareans, providing very nice profits for obstetricians, anaesthesiologists and drug companies. Hospital policies are routinely set based on financial goals. This is a fact, and if you don’t believe it, you are being duped.
Just hear me out on this one: It makes sense, doesn’t it? Since midwifery care and doula care reduces the rates of intervention, they also reduce the profit for doctors and hospitals. Of course, they will try to convince you that midwives are dangerous. They want your money!!! That is why, in Canada, where we have arguably the best government-run medical insurance system in the world, governments realised that by allowing midwives to deliver in hospitlas, they are saving millions of dollars.
Back to epidurals (which I am not completely against, by the way! I do believe they are warranted in some cases)If you have an epidural, you must also have a urinary catheter inserted to empty your bladder. Epidurals can cause your blood pressure to decrease, so a nurse will check your blood pressure very often. The nurse or doctor will also periodically rub your abdomen to make sure there is enough paralysis but not so much that your breathing becomes impaired.
There is also a domino effect that plays into it as well - once you have one intervention, you are more at risk for more and more. For example, a woman who has an epidural is FOUR times as likely to have to have a caesarean section. Sometimes it relaxes the pelvis so much that you cannot push out your baby, so the use of Vacuum and forceps are significantly increased. This means you also have to have an episiotomy (where they cut your skin from your vagina to your rectum) in order to get the forceps into your vagina. Sometimes there are complications from episiotomies, as you can well imagine, such as bowel incontinence and urinary incontinence. Note: According to Childbirth practices researcher Katherine Hartmann, MD, PhD, close to 1 million unnecessary episiotomies are performed in the U.S. each year. She says episiotomies are probably medically warranted in fewer than 10% of cases. Currently 1 in 3 American women get episiotomies. Hartmann is director of the Center for Women’s Health Research at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.
The biggest risk of epidural is death - if the anaesthesiologist injects the wrong dose, or makes a mistake, you’re in trouble. You can also be paralysed (in very rare cases, permanently) due to nerve damage. Let me repeat, MOST epidurals are safe, but these are some of the risks you need to be aware of. The evidence of epidural risks is well documented, but it is not readily available.
Don’t you think it is easier for the doctor to be able to “control” their patient if they are lying still and quiet in the bed, paralysed and unable to move around? Ask your doctor what percentage of their patients receive an epidural. Can you go one step further and ask them how much money they make if they give an epidural? Or of it makes their job easier if their patient has an epidural? I think that would be very interesting! If he or she has an alarming rate of epidurals, I would seriously consider changing doctors.
If you are still thinking, “I don’t care what anybody says, there is no way I am going to go through that pain like some freaky natural childbirth nut”, I am here to say that I thought exactly the same way when I was pregnant - at first. But once I did some reading, I thought, wait a second, maybe I could at least try to do it naturally. In my birth plan I wrote that I wanted to try to do it naturally, but if I ask for an epidural, give me one. (Where we live, Midwives can order epidurals.) I also want to say that I do believe that in some cases, epidurals are a really good idea. For example, if you have been laboring a very long time and you need to rest a few hours so that you can gather your energy to push the baby out. I was present at my friend’s birth as her support person, and she was not making any progress after about 10 hours. We tried all sorts of positions and everything, but finally her doctor suggested an epidural and I agreed. She was able to rest, and calm down, and then it wore off and she was able to push out her baby without any problems. It was beautiful. (Note: she did not experience any of the above complications.)
Please educate yourself by reading some of the books I recommend on my website. You will feel much better about yourself knowing that you did your research and made the right decision for you. Finally, please take a GOOD prenatal class (not one offered at a hospital) and read as much as you can so that you are prepared and educated. It’s your body and your baby!
About the author:
Suzanne Doyle-Ingram is mother of two girls, Hana and Alexa, and married to her best friend James, who is a stay-at-home dad and game designer (and makes a mean grilled chicken!). Suzanne is also the creator of the Pregnancy Leads to New Babies.com website (http://www.pregnancy-leads-to-new-babies.com), an informative site for pregnant women and new Moms, which provides information on pregnancy, labor, and how to take care of your new baby. As a family, Suzanne, James, and the girls enjoy kite flying, swimming at the beach, and visiting new restaurants. Visit her website at http: http://www.pregnancy-leads-to-new-babies.com for more of Suzanne’s articles.
The love of a child can not equal any emotions you feel on this earth. As a child I loved to read. I would read and read and get lost in stories of adventure and mystery. I would go to my friends birthday parties and find a stash of comic books. I would be lost in some adventure hanging from a tree like Tarzan or who ever I was reading about at that time.
As I grew older, I realized that reading is magical. It can take you to places you would not ordinarily visit. It can teach you things you can never even imagine. Your imagination explodes, the sky is the limit. The love of reading is so special to me, I will never stop!
Children that are avid readers are better students and grow up to take their place in life. School is an important part of the child’s life. Many of the children go on to a higher education level where as adults their earning potential is unlimited.
As an adult, I look back upon my younger years, I realize that too much of one thing can be harmful. While I was whiling away my days reading and dreaming, I was not socializing with other children.
For example, when I became an adult I had a problem with social functions. I did not fit in. Where other people could chatter away about this and that I was at a loss. I did not know how to make small talk. That is a real social disaster.
CHILDRENS READING MUST BE BALANCED:
Reading is wonderful for your children. But if your children are a real bookworm and neglects their friends and family then you have a problem. Childhood is for developing friendships, social behavior and learning new skills. Reading and learning new skills can be balanced.
CHILDREN WHO DO NOT LIKE TO READ
When a child says to me that they do not like to read, it’s boring, I feel very sad. What is going to become of this child, without reading? For this child the world becomes very small.
ELECTRONICS:
Electronics are wonderful to play with but when they take over a child’s life, where will it end? Also, where is the future child who will grow up and use their wonderful imagination and create future technology?
As parent’s, we have to find some way to introduce books and reading to our children. We do not want their brains to turn to mush.
When they are older and need to fill out an employment application what then? What kind of employment do you think they are going to get being a poor reader? All it takes is one book to make an impression on the child to change its life.
READING TO YOUR CHILDREN:
It is never to early to start reading to your children. Even babies through infancy love to listen to your soft voice as they snuggle in your arms and fall asleep.
When your infant becomes a child or older and refuses to read a book, do not discontinue the reading program you have already established. Children love it when you read to them. It’s a wonderful one on one special time for you and your child to bond. The closeness you feel together will last forever. You do not need to spend money to read to your child. Go to the public library and check out books. You can explore the world together.
Reading makes your imagination soar and the world has no boundaries. You can become anyone you want to be. Through reading, you can visit any country in the world.
HAVE YOUR CHILDREN READ TO YOU:
Another way to share that special closeness and to help improve your childrens reading level is to have them read to you. You will both love that special time together.
SPECIAL CHILDREN AND AUDIO BOOKS:
There are many children with various special needs. Keep in mind; all children love to be read to. Please have your child tested as early as possible.
I speak from experience, for my daughter has special needs, even as an adult today. I am very proud of her for she is employed and drives her own car. I couldn’t be more proud of her.
Talking books are another way to introduce books and stories to your special child. They can follow along in their book while listening to the story. It can improve their reading and listening skills. Keep in mind, this is not a substitution for you reading to your child.
LOVE READING:
I have observed people who love to read just talking and touching a book makes their eyes light up and their cheeks smile. When a person does not like to read, they do not like to talk about or touch a book.
As a parent myself, I know how hard it is to get your children to do something they do not want to do. But hang in there, this is to important to skip. Our children must be able to read to function in this world. An imagination is a terrible thing to waste.
When my own two children were small, I always loved reading to them. Now, I love reading to my grandchildren. I look forward to it every time I see them. I love the one on one attention they give me. They fight over what book I am going to read to them first. They snuggle up to me and my heart overflows with the love I have for them. I cannot think of a better way a grandparent can prepare their grandchildren for the future.
Let me hear from you. Check out all my articles. Go to the top of this screen and leave a comment.
Copyright 2005 Linda Meckler
Linda was an avid reader all through her life. Now she is an author of her first book “Ghost Kid’s Trilogy” 3 books in 1 book. A first of it’s kind children’s adventure where love, family values and charity burst off the pages. Book (1) Ghost Kids: Two real children team up with two Ghost Kids to reunite them with their parents. Book (2) Blue Vase Mystery: Uncle Charlie the villain of the book wants out of the magical blue vase. In return he will tell the children where Pirates’ Treasure is hidden. Book (3) Pirates’ Treasure-the Hunt: The children go hunting for treasure. This book is the first in a new series: A Christy and Brad Adventure series.
Check my website http://www.lmeckler.com My email lmecky@tns.net or order at http://www.buybooksontheweb.com 5 books = 40% discount. With an order of 20 or more no postage or handling. http://www.amazon.com ISBN0-7414-2273-5
Shall we move in together!
Having lived a life without children (not through anything else other than fete), having a place of my own and having some spare cash at the end of the month, what a culture shock to move in with the woman you love, but at the same time take on her 15 year old teenage son and 16 year old daughter. How can it be that teenagers in this modern day, do not know how to close doors and drawers, why does everything need to be done for them? They expect to live in a home and be able to treat it like a hotel? I will just use this item, I’m sure it will go back where I got it from on its own!
How about coming back from holiday and the teenage girl announcing that she is pregnant? Is she going to keep it and ruin her education - Yes of course she is!
Didn’t you take precautions? - Of course, but I must be one of the tiny percentage who it doesn’t work for! So its nothing to do with the fact that you always lose things, and forget things is it? What about the father, didn’t he take precautions? And where are you going to live when the baby comes along? At home of course!
Why do teenagers live in this modern world and not do anything in the home, albeit they are at college! Ever known a teenager put on a clean pair of traksuit bottoms and training top just go go football training and then place them in the wash upon returning from the hour’s training? How about the same teenager getting up in the morning, taking a shower, and then going to play football for the local team? I didn’t know a washing machine could operate for some many hours in the week!
Give them thier due, they do work part-time at the local supermarket which is less than one kilometre away. Time for work - Can I have a lift please!
When College breaks up for half or full term - why don’t they call it ‘Nothing to do, but watch TV and dvd’s time’. Whatever happened to going swimming or going for a bike ride with your mates?
Do manufacturers make products less reliable these days, are they supposed to have such a short life? I have never known so many items break, not work or become damaged as they do in our home!
Money grows on trees, Electricity and Gas are free! Food is plentiful, it doesn’t cost much so it doesn’t matter if I throw this out because I don’t like it! I don’t like this, that or the other, I want this because it’s what I fancy just now!!!! What is even more unbelievable is after eating so much food and throwng the rest away, an hour or so later ‘Im hungry so I will have somehting else to eat!? UNBELIEVABLE
Can’t say anything, pass any comment, or take any action - I’m the bad one, - I’m the one who their mother talks to like I’m evil! I’m the one who has to tolerate her being in a bad mod with me for however long!
I cook, clean up, take the dog out regularly, wash both cars, pay the majority of the bills. I’m the one who enabled them to move to a home near to where their friends live, I’m the one who has helped them move to a private home, and I’m sure I am the one who has helped improve thier lives - yet I’m the bad one!
Maybe it’s just that I’m getting older and expect too much! Or maybe it’s just that I was brought up with a lot more respect for things! Or maybe it’s just that I’m not set out for living with teenagers and thier modern ways! Whatever it is I’m sure that things have changed!!!
Good decision moving in with the woman you love and her two teenage children!
The author of this article works full time in the public service sector. This is the first article produced for public veiwing - any comments/feedback will be appreciated!
