All around us, everyday, there are two groups of people that many believe to be different. Not so! Teen-agers and Seniors have a lot in common. If it’s accidentally putting their shoe on the wrong foot or putting their foot in their mouth, there are instances of conduct that are very similar in both groups.
For example:
Both groups like to hang out at fast food restaurants and shopping malls.
Both groups have developed their own “walk.”
Both groups like to wear clothing that doesn’t fit well.
Both groups seem to have questionable facial hair.
Both groups listen to music that either their children or their parents don’t understand.
Both groups tend to like their music loud.
The males in both groups are into weird hats.
Both groups are randomly accused of having questionable driving habits.
The females in both groups are into weird hair colors and strange hair styles.
Both groups are into strange or flashy clothing.
Both groups tend to have trouble parking.
Members of both groups have developed “selective hearing.”
Both groups have a penchant for forgetfulness.
Many in both groups are not into safe sex.
Both groups ask for help around tax time.
Both groups laugh at the dumbest stuff on TV.
Both groups use their own slang to confuse other family members.
Gene Smith lives in West Virginia. He’s 60 years old and, right now, can’t seem to remember what else he has done in his life.
She walked several kilometers bare-footed through dangerous
mountain terrain in cold winter to buy a Bible. But it was sold
out before she got to her destination. What happened? Find out.
There are dreams and there are dreams. And there are dreamers
and there are dreamers too. Some of these dreamers realize their
dreams, while others have had their names writ in water. In
some, theirs may be an ambition to rule empires, while for other
young men, the mere accomplishment of marrying a fair lady and
living happily with her ever after in a hanging garden beside a
blue sea, is a big dream.
Now consider one of these dreamers who dreamt of owning a Bible.
But the family being very poor could barely provide food for the
members, not to talk of buying a Bible. Now this dreamer is not
the Biblical Joseph, the dreamer. But her name is Mary Jones, a
sixteen - year old girl born 1784 in a village in Wales that
goes by the curious name of Llanfihangel.
There is nothing wrong to dream of owning a Bible though. But
the odds against her were many. Because the girl lived in the
wrong century and dreamed in the wrong times. In those days, to
own a Bible was to die. Like William Tyndale. Like Jan Hus. Like
so many others.
But big dreamers are die-hards. And Mary was one of them. So
this daughter of poor weavers started saving whatever money that
she got in order to buy a Bible. It was Mary’s parents that
aroused her interest in the Bible. They told her Bible stories
and instilled the fear of God in her heart. Since the family
never had a Bible, Mary often read a neighbor’s Welsh Bible.
Then when she is sixteen years old in the year 1800, news came
that a few Welsh Bibles were available for sale at the local
church at Bala. She checks her box of coins. It is full. She
tells her parents that her dream is coming true. For she is
going to Bala to buy her own copy of the Bible.
The journey to Bala itself was not an easy one. From Llanfiangel
in the Atlantic coastline up to Bala in the hinterland is over
40 kilometers. Again, she was to walk barefooted in the middle
of winter and without a winter coat or boot to get there.
Furthermore, it was a steep mountainous terrain, often rising,
falling, and meandering here and there. And worse, it was a
highway for robbers.
Few parents would allow a sixteen-year old daughter to take the
risk. But few families have sixteen year olds who have a love
for the Bible. So on the day of Mary’s departure, Mr. and Mrs.
Jones buys bread and dried meat that would last her journey,
ties them up in a large white handkerchief and puts it in a
basket.
Mary ties her coins in a neck handkerchief, keeps it in the
pocket of her long dress, adorns a hat and carries her basket of
provisions. And with a hug, a kiss and a goodbye from her
parents, she starts the long, uncertain journey to Bala.
She had thought of making the journey in three days. She walked
18 kilometers the first day. It was very cold and she shook all
along the journey. She only stopped to eat and rest under a
tree. She was almost dropping dead when she sights a watchman
warming himself beside a fire in a village gate house. Not
wanting to spend the money by lodging in an inn, she begs the
watchman that he allows her to pass the night in the gate house.
“No problem” says the old man spreading his palms by the fire.
“But who ye and where art thou goest this winter cold?” he asks.
“I am Mary. Going to Bala.”
“That’s 22 kilometers away, and no winter boots and coat,” says
the old man absent mindedly. “Here’s some hot soup. It’ll do ye
some good.”
With that, he pours the hot soup in two bowls. And they drink
and talk of the weather. Before long, the old watchman falls
asleep followed by the tired Mary.
In the morning, she thanks the old man, washes her face and
continues her journey. Today, she walks 15 kilometers, stopping
twice to rest and eat. What makes the journey hard is that she
would have to climb and descend mountains. Her legs swoll and
ached. And at night, she meets a group of weavers who were
working through the night by a fireside. She indicates her
willingness to help in the loom for an opportunity to stay the
night.
The curious weavers receive her after hearing her story. She
works for a while and is allowed to even sleep in the early
morning hours. They even give her a coin before she leaves in
the morning. When she was exhausted in the evening, she drags
herself into an unlit gate house at the outskirt of a village.
The watchman was not there. Perhaps, he will be coming later,
she thought. And she lay on a mat and sleeps away.
It is 2 am. Two thieves, Red Devil and Black Night are looking
for someone to rob. The road is empty. It is plain that they
would have to go hungry and empty handed. And the night is cold.
They look into the dark gate house. The night watchman didn’t
come. So they decide to go in and rest for a while before the
break of dawn. But to their surprise they find a girl fast
asleep there. Red Devil holds her throat, while Black Night
searches and takes her money. After that, they take her
remaining bread and meat, leaving the cloth and the basket; and
run away.
………………………………………………………………………………
The local apothecary generally called Dr. Hades finds it unusual
to be woken by this barefooted girl with a basket this early
morning. After listening to her, he asks:
“Do you know them that stole your money?”
“No,” was Mary’s answer.
“And is that why you want to drink arsenic to kill yourself?”
“Yes,” she replies.
“But where did you get the coin you want to use to pay for the
poison?”
She explains that it is a gift from some weavers whom she had
helped to weave the night before. But Dr. Hades is not satisfied
with her answer. Perhaps, the girl is a run-awayone of these
bad girls in the neighborhood. Perhaps, she needs food and a
good sleep. He goes to an inner room, returns with a mixture
which he gives to her, and asks her to use the coin to buy some
food.
Mary thanks him and walks to the gatehouse. She spreads the
white handkerchief on the ground, finds a piece of rock, and
starts to write a suicide note on it, the bottle of arsenic by
her side. But halfway, she falls asleep.
……………………………………………………………………………
Lord Godsend, a generous rich man, happens to be passing through
that road at that time. He is driven in his horse- drawn chariot
by Johnny, who is in the habit of swearing by the minute.
“By Jove, the girl is dead,” he says to Lord Godsend, pointing
to the sleeping Mary as they ride pass.
“How do you know, Johnny?” asks the rich man.
“Upon mi life, killed by robbers, mi Lord.” So they argue back
and forth. But after they have gone a good distance, Lord
Godsend asks to be driven back to confirm who is right. But
Johnny didn’t want to hear and prompts the horse to ride on. “By
heavens she must be smelling mi Lord.”
Mary had woken up now. She finishes her writing, reads it and
signs her name. She quickly eats her last food, drinks the
mixture, and lies down waiting to die.
………………………………………………………………………………..
“Exactly what I said, mi Lord,” said Johnny showing Lord Godsend
the empty bottle of arsenic when they finally get there.
“Poisoned herself to death. By my horse shoe, a bad girl.”
Lord Godsend picks the suicide note and reads: “I drank poison
and died. Because thieves stole the money that I wanted to use
to buy a Bible. Weep not for me, dear mom and dad. We will meet
againMary Jones.”
Lord Godsend is angry. Who must have sold the poison that killed
this girl? He looks at the poison bottle and reads the address
label: ARSENIC. DR. HADES. 13 BALA ROAD, UPTOWN. He gets into
the carriage at once and rides away to get the cops to arrest
Dr. Hades. When they get there, however, the apothecary begin to
swear and say that he never sold her arsenic but a sleeping
mixture, which he put in an arsenic container and even gave her
back the money to buy food since he thought that she needed food
and a good sleep.
But the cops and all the country folks who gather there that
morning will not believe Dr. Hades.
“Do you think Johnny that the girl is sleeping or dead?” asks
Lord Godsend.
“Upon the wheels of this carriage, she is as dead as a rock. If
otherwise, I will drink arsenic and join my ancestors,” he
replies. And to prove the point the police decide to first visit
the scene, before taking the apothecary to jail.
………………………………………………………………………………..
Mary wakes up. What is this? she asks. Had she not taken poison
to die? She looks around but she could find neither the arsenic
bottle, nor the suicide note. Only her empty basket. This must
be a bad dream she thinks. She now gets up and is confronted by
a crowd led by the police and a rich man in a horse-drawn
carriage. She thinks of running. But where can a girl who is
weak, hungry and cold run to? The people also stand momentarily;
thinking that it is an apparition.
But it is Dr. Hades that seizes the initiative and exclaims:
“See! She was only sleeping, not dead.” Then things are
explained. Lord Godsend takes her to an inn where he gives her
food to eat and fills her basket with provisions. He also gives
her some money to buy the Bible. Mary, full of thanks to the
kind man, continues to walk the remaining 7 kilometers to Bala.
And the people wonder at the courage of this little girl who is
walking 40 kilometers to buy a Bible.
After that, they joke whether Johnny would take arsenic and die
as he swore, for that is what honorable men do. But Johnny is
not a man of honor. “In the name of all the saints,” he swears
again, “I knew not when I said so.” And they just laugh and call
him Johnny the joker.
………………………………………………………………………………..
It was Sunday noon when Mary entered the church premises. The
church service had just ended and the worshipers were stepping
out of the church. Then she asks the first people that she meets
where the Bible copies were sold. One calls the other and soon
everyone gather and look at her as if she was a space alien.
It was not that she was bare footed and poorly dressed. The fact
was that all the Bibles had sold out yesterday. And the money
that she was having could not even buy one, even if it was
available. Double trouble for Mary!
Because of the chaos that Saturday, the Reverend Father himself
sold the Bibles. He first took his special personal copy that
was sent to him by the pope. That copy was printed in different
colors in both Welsh and English. It also has cross references
and a Bible index. The title cover itself was printed in letters
of gold and the whole Bible was zipped in a golden case. It was
such a beautiful Bible that people were busy looking at it when
the common Bibles sold out.
Those who did not get copies of the Bible were manysome
families joined to buy one. In fact, two churchmen fought over
ownership of the last copy, tearing it into two parts. In the
end, both shared the cost and by a toss of the coin, one took
the Old Testament while the other had the New Testament. That
was why they looked at Mary in wonderment, and when they
explained to her, she collapsed and wept.
Now, Rev. Goodman looks through the church window and wonders
what is amiss. So he takes his winter coat and walks out, his
golden Bible in hand. After listening to Mary’s story, the
Reverend first dries her tears and kisses her. Then he slips his
sandals under her feet, takes off his winter coat and puts it on
Mary. Third he gives her his golden Bible in Welsh and English
and which was printed in many colors with these words: “Read it
carefully, study it diligently, treasure up the sacred words in
your memory, and act up to its teaching.” And he finally blesses
her and tells her to use the money which Lord Godsend gave her
to pay for a ride home. Mary’s eyes shine, the church people are
speechless.
……………………………………………………………………………..
It was big news when Mary reached Llanfiangel on a horse-drawn
carriage wearing a winter coat, a pair of sandals, and, wait a
momenta golden Bible! Everyone flocks to see the Bible and her
poor parents are overjoyed.
Years later, this story was told at the Committee of the
Religious Tract Society of London. The result was that a
decision was made to supply Bible translations to the people of
Wales and the whole world. So if you own a Bible today, remember
the sacrifice of a sixteen-year old girl from a remote village
in Wales whose dream came true.
May your dream come true!
(EXCERPTED FROM THE BOOK, “MARY’S DREAM,” TO BE PUBLISHED SOON.
IF YOU ENJOYED READING THE STORY AND WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A
VOLUNTARY CONTRIBUTION TOWARD ITS PUBLICATION, PLEASE CONTACT
THE AUTHOR.)
ARTHUR ZULU is an editor, book reviewer, and author of Chasing
Shadows! and How to Write a Best-seller. For his works and free
helps for writers, goto: http://controversialwriter.tripod.com
mailto: controversialwriter@yahoo.com Web search: Arthur Zulu
Think whatever you might of William Jefferson Clinton, you have to give the ever-smiling overachiever credit.
He finds, in the lassitude of his post-Presidential years, a devoted and commendable calling to charity. And so canny is the man that he is able to extract a $5 million advance from Knopf to write a book about his benevolence.
While there have been many noble people who have given their lives to charitable acts, it is a rare person indeed who can find a way to make millions out of it.
We can all rest assured that he is now even more abundantly funded to keep up his meritorious work.
Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway and has written comedy for TV. Critics have called his writing “”delightfully funny” and “witty” with “good, genuine laughs.”
My last piece I talked about associating or pairing up opposites
to produce funny ideas. Today we associate SIMILARITY or
CONGRUITY; by puting the same or similar objects, person or
animals together to engender laughter.
One fine example is a pair of identical twins or two person
wearing the same clothes. They naturally appear “odd” or “funny”
to others. People will stare, giggle or whisper some cheeky or
unkind remarks under their breath. It’s a very normal response.
For cartoonists, this association of similarity can spawn lots
of funny cartoons. They can draw a person looking like an animal
or two unrelated objects which are visually alike. The most
popular is the garden hose partly hidden by the foliage and
mistaken as a snake.
Caricature is a visual art form that employs the technique of
congruity. It doesn’t look exactly like the actual person being
drawn, but just a distorted or an exaggerated impression of the
person and it usually looks kind of funny, doesn’t it?
Aside from visual art form, many verbal humor derives from this
technique too. The most obvious form of verbal humor is the
puns. A pun is a play on words, usually humorous based on
several meanings of one word, or a similarity of meanings
between words that are pronounced the same or the different in
meanings between two words pronounced the same and spelled
somewhat similarly. Following closely is another form verbal
humor, called the double entendres. It can be a word or an
expression having a double meaning, especially the second
meaning is risque.
So, similarity breeds not only contempt, but comedy too!
